[nice 2 day segue, huh?]

I won tickets to see Fall Out Boy at the Irwin Center.

Gaz is psyched.

or

Social Studies Lesson (Brought to You By the Same People Who Think “the Average Child” Can Complete 16 Pages of Homework in 45 Minutes)

I apologize for being so very Fall Out Boy.

Dear Gaz’s Teacher:

Although Gaz worked diligently homework for approximately 2 hours, she was only able to complete 15 of the 16 assigned pages.

Gaz was unable to complete the rest of her homework because of this map.

Gaz had inquired as to what is “U.S.S.R. and why is it is where Russia should be on the map?” While impressed that my child actually knew where Russia was on a world map, I was less than pleased after viewing the above map on her assignment sheet.

This led to a History lesson about the Union of Soviet Social Republics, which consisted of Russia and a bunch of other countries like Lithuania, Georgia and others with names containing syllable “bek” and “akh” and was also known as the Soviet Union, which ceased to exist officially in 1991.

This led to a discussion of the fall of communism, including President Reagan’s “Tear down this wall” speech and how, in 1989, when his dad was stationed in Germany, her Uncle Brian was actually there in the crowd (on the West Berlin side) when the protesters with sledgehammers climbed up on the Berlin Wall and started tearing it down.

By the time I answered all her questions, with the exception of one — “Okay, if this Soviet Union doesn’t exist anymore, why is it on my map and why do I need to know that it is located in the Northern Eastern hemisphere?” — it was after 10:00 p.m.

The incomplete Science worksheet will be completed this evening and will be turned in tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Gaz’s Mom

Can someone explain to me why my child’s Social Studies assignment contains a map that has been out of date for approximately SIXTEEN YEARS?!?!

Maybe Miss Teen South Carolina has a point.

J: A galactic standard week? How the hell long is that?
K: One hour.

According to the Homework Policy notice that came home from school today:

Fifth grade students will be assigned an average of 45 minutes per night. All homework will be graded and either a numeric grade or a completion grade will be earned.

with the priviso:

Please keep in mind that the time allotments listed are written with the average child in mind. An individual child may need more or less time depending on their proficiency in the subject area.

Gaz came home with a 4 sheet (2-sided) packet of math, a 3 sheet packet (2-sided) of Social Studies and 1 sheet (2-sided) of Science homework.

16 pages of homework in 45 minutes.

J:Oh, now that’s bullshit.

Exactly.

I despise school with a fiery passion of a thousand suns. I loved learning, but hated all things related to institutionalized education. Something about being cooped up in an ugly, badly temperature-controlled building, having to ask permission to use the bathroom, being told what was or was not appropriate to:

read - Stephen King - not appropriate reading material for a 6th grader;

eat - Peanut butter and jelly everyday is not healthy!
drink - Milk is a better alternative to Pepsi; and

wear - Vans are not the rubber soled shoes we referred to when referring to appropriate foot attire for P.E. class.

In 7th grade I got in trouble for going to the library (the library!) without a pass in order to finish the research on a Social Studies paper instead of sitting through the remaining 45 minutes of my lunch period in the cafeteria gossiping with my friends.

I didn’t actually start liking school until college. Even then, it was a stretch. Especially on most Thursdays of my 2nd semester when my Corporate Finance professor couldn’t be bothered showing up to teach a class that I left my house at 6:45 a.m. to attend. Yes, I’m talking to you Dr. Battista, jerk.

I didn’t think my hatred of all things school-related could be any deeper until this year.

• School started almost 2 weeks later this year on August 28th and will end on June 4th or 5th. The goal is for the schools in Texas to have the first day of school be the day after Labor Day like most of the rest of the country and thus ending in the second or third week of June like most of the rest of the country. That’s all well and good, but, um in mid-June, it’s almost 100° here, unlike most of the rest of the country.
• The dress code is out of fucking control this year. Don’t even get me started.
• Gaz is in fifth grade. Fifth grade sucks.
• Hallway Math

Last week at 5th orientation, we were told about this thing called Hallway Math. Up until now, I thought Hallway Math was an urban legend. You know, like how third grade is sooooooo hard (um, not).Well, Hallway Math is this really cryptic math exercise that the kids have to do in the morning before the bell rings at 7:55 a.m. Yes, you read correctly, before school actually starts.

I know, right?

I’ve never really been a morning person. ever. I suck at math. I can’t imagine what sheer torture it must be to have to to math before 7:55 a.m. In a hallway full of kids. With no coffee involved. Poor Gaz.
I hate school.