Sorry Rachael and Kait. So I was all excited about this the other day.

I finally got around to eating a piece last night. Gag.

First of all - NO LADY FINGERS!!!!! The “cake” part was simply cake. White cake, which I hate. And the creme part - you could literally taste all the xanthan gum, guar gum, locust bean gum in it. *vomits*

What the hell is wrong with Texas man? Seriously. Then again, what do I expect, they use COTTAGE CHEESE in lasagna here. COTTAGE CHEESE!!! WTF?

Sweet news. Gaz is finally flipping with no spot. on the floor. She hasn’t figured out that no one is spotting her, so shhhhhh m’kay? Thanks. Last night at practice she was just goofing around on the tumble track trampoline and rebounded so high out of a round-off that she barely got her hands down for the back handspring. So she’s really close to throwing a whip, which is a big deal considering the mentalness that she’s overcome to do a round-off back handspring.

MEH and I were hanging out with Gaz while she was eating dinner after practice we had an in-depth discussion on why kids shouldn’t say the word fuck, shit, etc. I know, we’re total fucking hypocrites.

I’ll take total responsibility for Gaz saying shit. It’s totally my fault. I burned a CD for her with Pink’s U+UR Hand on it and well, now it’s her psych-up song. Her favorite part is:

In the corner with your boys you bet up five bucks
To get at the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn’t get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah
You know who you are High fivin’, talkin shit, but you’re going home alone aren’t cha?

I should be thankful that she hates that song Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne or else she’d be like the rest of the girls at they gym singing:

Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And hell yeah I’m the motherfucking princess

Um, yeah. That would be interesting to say the least. I don’t know which would mortify me more, that my 10 year old said motherfucking or that she was singing an Avril Lavigne song.

Glad I’ve got my priorities straight, huh?

The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.” - P.G. Wodehouse

Thanks to everyone who left words of encouragement both here and at Gaz’s blog. You all fully rule.

So here’s what happened this morning …

The part of Gaz’s hair that’s pink:

I gathered it all together and tied it in a little ponytail, braided it and tucked it under, with massive amounts of hair pins and clippies. You can’t even see it. I should have taken a picture, but it took longer than I thought and I didn’t want both kids to be late for school.

We drove Rico to school and then headed over to Gaz’s school. We missed the bell, so we went into the office. I explained to one of the school secretaries what I did so that Gaz’s hair wouldn’t be a distraction. I signed Gaz in and she went off on her merry way.

I told the secretary what happened yesterday and that the School Counselor and Assistant Principal who talked to Gaz must have thought the pink hair color was spray on and would wash out. The counselor wasn’t around and neither was the Assistant Principal so I couldn’t talk to them. So I explained to the secretary that the color it was semi-permanent and was not going to wash out for quite some time.

SEC’Y: There’s really nothing in the dress code that addresses this.
CE: I know, right? I mean there’s a mention in the Secondary School’s Handbook, but I’ve subbed at all three high schools and have seen kids with green, blue, and orange hair and it was no big deal. I didn’t think it was going to be a problem.
SEC’Y: Honestly, I saw her yesterday in the hall when it was down and didn’t even notice it.
CE: I figured the kids would make a big deal out of it, but it’s the last week of school and I thought it would be fun. I didn’t mean to cause any drama, but I’m not bleaching it out and I’m not going to apologize for something that is really no big deal. I mean, it’s just hair.
SEC’Y: It is pretty harmless.
CE: And it looks cute, and she loves it. It could have been worse, at least I didn’t dye her whole head.
SEC’Y: [Laughing] Better to do it now when they’re 10 and get it out of their system.
CE: Exactly.

So, there it is. Everything is cool as of this moment.

I did ask that if there were any further concern regarding Gaz’s hair, to please call me and that I would have no issue with Gaz missing the last couple of days of school. She’s only missed 4 days this year, and tomorrow is her class end of the year party and Thursday is a half day.

I called MEH to give him an update when I got home.

MEH: So how’d it go?
CE: Everything’s cool. I think. We’ll see.
MEH: So how many other pink-haired girls were there at school today?

The Cult of Gaz and all.

For Gaz anyway.

She got busted and talked to by the School Counselor as well as the Assistant Principal the minute she walked in the door this morning. They told her she needed to wash it out for tomorrow. Apparently, they thought it was spray on color.

So Gaz has been freaking out all day thinking I’m going to bleach it out.

Nice how they didn’t bother to call me.

Whatever.

Conversation at 6:30 this morning.

MEH: So what are you and Gaz going to do today?
CE: What?
MEH: You know, after she gets sent home from school.
CE: Grrrr.

So I’m sitting here trying to get some work done and waiting for the phone to ring. I just had a minor heart attack because the Subfinder System for [Neighboring Town] Independent School District just called my cell phone, looking for a substitute for in-school suspension for the next three days. It’s the last week of school, how much would that suck to be suspended for it?

I declined the job in the event that my own child may be suspended because her hair. Apparently, there’s nothing addressing “un-natural colored” hair in the elementary school dress code.

The justification for even having a Dress Code is pretentious. I just annoys me.
Here’s an excerpt from the Secondary School Student Handbook: (I couldn’t find the Elementary School Student Handbook anywhere online and have misplaced the copy that the school sent home at the beginning of the school year.)

Dress Code/Grooming Standards

[The Town Where I Live] Independent School District takes pride in the appearance of its students.

Why? Why does the district take pride in the “appearance of its students”? The only thing the district has any business taking pride in should the the academic achievement of its students.

The District’s dress code and grooming standards have been established to teach grooming and hygiene, to prevent disruption, and to minimize safety hazards at school or school-related functions.

Whatever.

The school campus, not unlike a work place, promotes a productive business-like atmosphere that is conducive to learning.

I’m calling bullshit on this one. School campus and business-like atmosphere in the same sentence is just laughable. No school campus even vaguely resembles a work place. Dude, seriously. Would half the drama that goes on in school ever be tolerated at work? Well, maybe. But seriously, I don’t see how a business-like atmosphere is conducive to learning. Is there some study that I missed? Why don’t we just let our kids be kids already?

One of my best friends in high school, Alexandra could have been considered a freak, she had naturally black hair that was over-dyed with a blue color wash. She was a total punk chick. She wrote her name Al-X. She ruled. Teachers didn’t give her shit because she was also a total straight A, National Honor Society over-achiever, totally blowing that business-like atmosphere that is conducive to learning theory out of the water. By the way, she’s an attorney now and her hair no longer looks blue in bright light and she dresses in power suits. She still rules.

I think the adults in charge that are making the rules and the adults that allow these rules to exist really don’t give kids a chance to be kids. Let them dress however they want (within reason) when they’re young and doesn’t really matter what they look like. Kids are going to have to dress in stupid business-like clothes and have uptight haircuts when they grow up and have to work in a real business-like atmosphere.

Hair

Neat, clean, well-groomed. Worn in a style and color that is not distractive.

Could this be anymore vague? Not distractive. Sounds like a self-control problem for the other students. This is so much like the rule that girls are encouraged to wear shorts or spanky pants under their skirts. Sounds like either there are some parents out there who haven’t taught their daughters how to function properly when wearing skirt or some students with self-control issues.

I think society in general puts too much emphasis on appearance and not enough emphasis on behavior. Maybe we need to worry more about how a kid treats other kids or acts than in what they look like. Because, holy shit, I’ve seen some kids that look and dress really nice, but OMG, what a bunch of rude, obnoxious, disrespectful, uncouth (vocabulary word) assholes. (Now get off my lawn!)

Gaz looked awesome this morning. The pink hair looks pretty. It fits her coloring and almost looks natural. If hot pink hair were a natural human hair color, it would be totally plausible that Gaz’s hair were naturally pink. It suits her. If anyone at school has a problem with that, she’ll just start summer vacation four days early.

This is a long ass post. I’m making up for my lack of posting last week and just needed to get this out there because it’s something I’ve been mildly annoyed about.

I don’t care what [insert friend’s name here]’s mom lets her do. I’m not [insert friend’s name here]’s mom.

If I had a dollar for every time my mother said that I would have been able to pay for my first car. in cash. and it would have been a new car as opposed to the ‘77 Mustang I ended up buying.*

MEH and I are “Cooperators” when it comes to our parenting style.

“[Cooperators] are working hard to find a balance between your job of becoming independent and their job of giving you safe space to make your own decisions. We’ll call them Assertive-Democratic parents. Assertive simply means that they state their case; they let you know what they think and why they think it. Democratic means that they often give you choices. It may not always be exactly what you want to do, but they will provide a number of safe options for you to choose from.” - girlogy

When we first became parents, MEH and I agreed that we weren’t going to be anything like our parents.

My parents were insanely over-protective and controlling and didn’t trust me farther than they could throw me. I can thank my aunts and uncles kids for this, I think. My mom comes from a family of 12. 8 out of 15 of my cousins screwed up major league and my mom was determined for me to not screw up. ever. Pretty realistic, my mom — um, okay not so much. My dad was a teenager in Sicily in the early 60’s. One of his uncles was, um, connected. He did some pretty insane stuff and totally got away with it. Nothing major by today’s teenage standard, but my dad seriously gave my grandparents a run for their money. So being a teenager wasn’t much fun for me. Being the good girl that I was, I always asked permission to do what my friends were doing. The answer was almost always, “No.” Because of this, I learned that it was always easier to to get forgiveness than permission. I weighed everything I did on how long I would get grounded for and if it was worth it. Let’s just say, I was grounded for most of Junior year in high school. So I developed a pretty screwed up decision-making process. When the time finally came for me to make decisions on my own, I usually made several wrong ones. The stories I could tell you about stuff I did in my twenties, holy shit, it’s amazing that I’m even alive right now or at least not incarcerated.

I eventually learned from my mistakes. I’m still learning. This is why I usually agonize over every decision I make.

MEH’s parents, well, that’s his tale to tell. No comment from me, except for damn.

We’ve done a pretty good job with Gaz (so far. I think. maybe). She is friendly, outgoing, smart and helpful. She has a twisted sense of humor and actually understands sarcasm. She says “please” and “thank you” and addresses grownups who insist on being called by their first name as “Ms. [first name]”, “Mr. [first name]” and “Coach [first name]”. She has no patience for phonies or mean people. She’s a straight shooter and will tell you like it is. Like most kids, though, Gaz has her moments. So when it comes to the dynamics of parenting a tween girl, MEH and I pretty much pick our battles with Gaz. There are certain things that are just not worth arguing about.

TV & Movies: Gaz is allowed to watch PG-13 and R movies that MEH and I have deemed okay for her to watch. Gaz also watches CSI, Family Guy, Futurama, Invader Zim and various reality shows on Bravo. For example, Mean Girls. If you look past the minor sexual content, partying and language, this movie is a great object lesson on how truly evil some girls can be and how popularity, like absolute power, can corrupt absolutely.

Clothing: Gaz can wear Happy Bunny, Lenore and skull t-shirts. She can also wear black (Don’t ask me why some moms have an issue with this). She likes funky socks. She also shares her mother’s perchant for cool sneakers. I don’t have any issues with clothing. MEH sometimes runs into a problem with skirts because Gaz has long legs and if her skirt fits, it usually looks too short because what little height she has is in her legs. When told this, she’ll change, no arguments. But when she comes down the stairs in a plaid pleated skirt with striped socks and pink graffiti sneakers, I usually just shrug.

Music: Gaz listens to music that kid her age don’t normally listen to. I think this has a lot to do with her having hung out and trained in cheer gyms since she was 5 years old. They usually have the radio on or some girl on one of the upper-level squads has burned a CD that’s playing over the sound system. Because of this coupled with the fact that MEH and I’s taste in music wasn’t stagnated in our high school days, Gaz as developed a decent taste in music. She hates Britney Spears, Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson and any other bubble gum pop idol that most of her friends at school are freaking out over. When asked by a girl at school if she was going to go to the Cheetah Girls concert, she responded “Why? Ewww.” If I can talk MEH into it and we can get Mr. K. to sit for Rico, I want to take her to Projekt Revolution in August or to Vans Warped Tour since my brother wouldn’t take her last summer when she was visiting my parents in NJ. She has an mp3 player loaded with a pretty impressive collection of music and not all of the songs are of the “radio-edited” versions.

Language: “Dude”, “sweet”, “spankin’”, “omigosh!”, “get over yourself”, “I know, right?”, “whatever, dude”, “I’m calling butterscotch on that” and “snap” are probably things you’ll hear come out of Gaz’s mouth in a regular conversation. She’s smart enough to know not to use certain words that her parents use when they’re pissed off.

Food: Gaz is an insanely picky eater. She doesn’t like much when it comes to food. She outright refuses to even try anything most of the time. The child didn’t start eating pizza until last year. Seriously. However, Gaz eats when she’s hungry, she doesn’t snack too much or too little and she leans towards fruit and normally chooses milk over juice. She thinks soda is gross. Really.

Some people think we’re lenient parents. We’re not. Gaz is expected to get good grades in school, clean up her room and be respectful to other people’s property and parents.

There’s the group of girls in our neighborhood that MEH refers to as the “Cult of Gaz”. They want to dress like her, talk like her, do what she does and listen to what she listens to. MEH gets a huge kick out of it. I, however, am not amused. Neither is Gaz. It annoys her.

It is because of the “Cult of Gaz” that I have become the [insert friend’s name here]’s mom that other moms are referring to when their tween daughters tell them they want to watch, wear, listen to or do some “outrageous” thing that either Gaz is allowed to watch, wear, listen to or do. The “Cult of Gaz” moms, or at least the ones with the guts to say something to my face, usually give me a hard time.

I can’t believe you let Gaz dress like that! She looks like a punk rock girl!

I can’t believe you go out of your way to pack lunch for her! Just tell to eat or go hungry!

I can’t believe you let her listen to [insert name of band name deemed inappropriate here]! You’re taking her to see Bowling for Soup — at Emo’s? You’re crazy.

This summer, I will probably be infamous and Gaz will be elevated to mythical status. This summer, I’m going to dye the underside of Gaz’s hair pink.

Cotton Candy Pink:

I know, right?

Gaz has blond hair. Every summer, since she discovered No Doubt and Pink, she has wanted pink streaks in her hair. This summer she’s getting her wish. Although, I have convinced her that streaks will be a pain in the ass (for me) to maintain, so I’m just going to dye the underside of her hair. Kind of like Heidi did and maybe with a little bit in the front, like Laundry Broad.

We did a test swatch last night and it came out okay, except I think we either have to go with a Hot Hot Pink

or maybe even Fuschia Shock

because it came out really light pink. I don’t want to bleach her hair. Hey, Laundry Broad! A little advice here. Please?

I’m going to do her hair this weekend since the last day of school is next Thursday. (I feel like messing with the other moms. I’m evil like that.) I’m sure next Monday afternoon, some member of the “Cult of Gaz” will be begging her mother to make an appointment for her with the colorist.

I can hear it now:

I don’t care if Gaz’s mom dyed her hair pink! You are not Gaz and I am certainly not Gaz’s mom!

It should be an interesting last week of school … and summer. I can’t wait. hee.

*No disrespect to the Smurfmobile (as it was affectionately called by my friends who piled into it every Saturday morning over the summer to head down to Belmar), but really, I could have been driving the candy apple red Firebird Formula 350, which I pined for on a daily basis.