DISCLAIMER: This does not apply to all men. This applies to specific husbands and boyfriends that have been acting like morons lately. Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about it and it needs to stop. Now. Oh, and I’m not necessarily talking about you, so get your panties boxers out of a bunch.

Open Letter to Stupid Men Everywhere

Dear Stupid Men:

What the HELL is going on? Was there some memo regarding the “Season of Stupidity” that we missed or something? Why are you all doing stupid things that will completely piss off the women in your lives? Things that most likely jeopardize your life, limb and video game console? Have you never heard of the phrase Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Have you not seen Waiting to Exhale? or First Wives Club? John Tucker Must Die? Do yourselves a favor. Just knock it off.

If you haven’t been busted yet, consider yourselves lucky. To the unfortunate ones who have been busted — accept that anger, random blows to the head with blunt objects and flying breakable objects are now part of your everyday life.

Accept it unconditionally.

Count your blessings that we’ve been educated by watching C.S.I. and Bones that lab guys with DNA sequencers back at the station and/or Forensic Anthropologists will turn up at the crime scene figure out that the wrath of your wife caused by your moronic behavior was the motive for murder. We know that the “perfect murder” is an urban legend unless you are a member of the Soprano family. So consider yourself lucky that setting your shit on fire in the driveway or vandalizing your motor vehicle (ala Carrie Underwood) is preferable to 15-20 in a maximum security prison.

Seriously.

Signed,
CE

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So the Great Austin Freeze of 2007 is officially over. Kind of.

Gaz and Rico went back to school today albeit there was a delayed opening. They were seriously getting cabin fever so both were happy to be back.

Since I got back from dropping them both off, I’ve been making Statix calls because things kind of exploded (in a good way) yesterday. I haven’t done a thing on my “To Do” list, my house is a disaster, there are 2 UPS boxes and a big FedEx box in the entryway and I have to pick up the kids in about an hour.

I pretty much have nothing tangible to show for the 4 hours of work that I did today.
I suck.

Gah!

Oh, and yes, I know my blog title is floating over my banner. I’m trying to fix it, but have no skillz.

I deleted one of Gaz’s friends (hereinafter “X”) last night. The reason X was deleted is because X tends to post bulletins that are either riddled with profanity or just really aren’t age-appropriate. X’s parents would probably have a freakin’ cow if they saw half the crap X has been posting lately. Don’t get me wrong. I like X. I think X is a cool kid. What I’m trying to figure out is if X is just being this way because it’s myspace or X is a complete and utter mess. I’m wondering if I should talk to X’s mom or just stay out of it. What do you think?

UPDATED: Oh, yeah, go ahead and feel free to call me a hypocrite because I use the word fuck every once in a while here, but at give me credit for not using it just to be shocking.

**UPDATED **

I can’t tell you how much fun I’m having with this. The “FRIENDS DENIED” are actually writing back. Maybe it’s the decongestants, but I find this hilarious. I’m not going to write back to them again just like I wouldn’t call a telemarketer back.

Also, because like Jodi sez: Getting into a fight with someone on myspace is like running in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you’re still retarded.

******************************************
No Wonder I Only Have 20 Friends …
(and half of them are only her because of Gaz)
I’ve been getting some really stange friend requests. I used to do the whole deny/delete thing, but lately I’ve been exploring my inner bitch and here are the results.

*************************************************

REQUEST FROM:
naughty

SUBJECT:
HiIf you have a minute please check out this awesome independent female singer/songwriter from Dublin Ireland.
She was last week Album of the week on 1 of the 3 national radio stations in Ireland.
And please remember she is doing all this herself with a bit of help from people like me who think she is awesome.
If you like what she is doing please add her.
Just click on the banner below to see her page and have a listen.
She gets compared to Stevie Nicks & Belinda Carlisle.

Many thanks for your time,

John.

STATUS: DENIED

RE: Hi!

She gets compared to Stevie Nicks & Belinda Carlisle.

Go look at my profile. Go now.

Okay, what word anywhere on my profile would make your search engine think I was into Stevie Nicks & Belinda Carlisle. Invest in a better one.

Sorry to be such a heinous bitch, I’m sure she’s really talented, but just because I’m in an old chick doesn’t mean my taste in music was stymied in my teenage years.

Also, just because I was a teenager in the 80’s doesn’t mean my taste in music is crap. Not everyone is a stereotype.

Thanks for playing.
CE

RESPONSE FROM: naughty

—————– Original Message —————–

From: naughty
Date: Sep 16, 2006 9:25 AM

SHE is talented, im not incase you think this is her sending these, im just trying to help her out.

Have a good one,
Cheers
John.

Jeez. The members of Naughty’s street team have no freakin’ sense of humor.

***********************************************************

REQUEST FROM:
Mike Rocket And The Stars

SUBJECT: no subject
Hey there,

Nice page. Hope you are having nice weekend.
Would be great if we could be added as friends. : ) Also, would be great if you check our music.

Mike

STATUS: DENIED

RE: no subject

I’m sorry that you’re in such a stereotypical NJ garage band.

I was in one once, too. Then I grew up.

Have a nice day.
CE

************************************************************

Then there were some random requests with no message…. & my responses

REQUEST FROM:
Toby Jones

STATUS: DENIED

RE: Ummmmmm, no.

Dude, look at my profile. Go now.

Okay, do I mention my love of country music anywhere on my profile? What would make your search engine think I was into country music? I’m really curious because I’ve been getting a lot of friend requests similar to yours lately.

I’m sure you’re a truly talented and gifted muscian, but just because I’m in Texas doesn’t mean I enjoy listening the crap the locals loosely refer to as “music”.

Not everyone is a stereotype.

Thanks.
CE

RESPONSE FROM: Toby Jones

Because I truly am retarded, I lost Toby’s response before I pasted it in here. But it was priceless. I think my inner nice person, deleted it. If I recall, it kind of went like this:

My music isn’t country, it’s “rock” or “acoustic rock” (whatever he said I can’t fucking remember) Maybe if you turned up your hearing aid you would (what ever he wrote).

Oh for the love of all that is holy, doesn’t anyone understand irony anymore? I never even went to Toby’s profile because I saw an a guy playing an acoustic guitar in his picture (see above). Just like his spiffy little unresearched search and mass friend request picked up that I was female and 41 and assumed I’d like his boring, put you to sleep, John Mayer(gag)/James Blunt(the horror)/(or God forbid) James Taylor-wanna-be music and also that I would be hard of hearing. Well, he was right on the hard of hearing part.

I so want to write back to this guy and mess with him, but it would really be just too easy. He won’t get it anyway. Warning: if you’re going to flame me, bring your “A” game.

But hey, here’s an idea, if any of Gaz’s friends out there want to have some fun, send him a friend request. If he adds you, his My Bulletin Space will be filled with the posts like “I’m bored”, “gah”, “yum”, “wheeeeeee!!! and “LOLOLOL!!!!” that you all send out and I find so amusing. What do you think? Come on being evil is fun. Go here. Go. now.

****************************************************

and the piece de resitance …

REQUEST FROM:
Myspace

STATUS: DENIED

Although, I almost wanted to add this person because it interests me that someone would use such an unflattering picture as her default. That, and she just looks crazy and that could be fun.

SUBJECT: Your html skillz are less mad than mine And that’s just pathetic, really. Just sayin’.

Well, at least I’m not getting invited to webcam chats like MEH is…

UPDATED - Mystery Solved

Who Are You? I really wanna’ know….

I hate that song. I think this is the main reason I don’t like C.S.I.: NY. That and that guy with the glasses who’s always in the lab. You know the one with the irritatingly bad Brooklyn accent. Oh, wait, that’s C.S.I.: Miami. David Caruso, ewww. What? It’s the theme song for C.S.I.? The C.S.I.? The one in Vegas? You sure? Oh. Hmmm…

Who were we talking about?

Oh. Right. 12 111 380 (I know, right?) people have read this blog today this week. I can’t imagine who they are, besides Kristi that is, so….

IDENTIFY YOURSELVES!!!
(please?)

But I know how some of you got here now. Thanks Becca.

You rock!

Add a comment anyway and say “hi”. Give me kudos. Great, now I’m the ‘Cuz I’m still a comment whore.

Shit. =D