Let me preface this all with, it’s not cool to speak to your children in a threatening, disparaging manner and a high decibel (hereinafter “yell”) for no reason whatsoever.

But let’s face it, those of us that are parents of human children yell at said children. Most of the time it’s because the child (or in my case — children) insist on:

1. doing things that will endanger their life and limb;
2. doing any number of things that endanger the sanity their parent(s) (see: item #1);
3. screaming bloody murder while playing somewhere, despite being warned that screaming in this fashion is reserved for the case in which either said child, child’s brother/sister or friend/playmate is: (a) bleeding profusely; (b) vomiting; (c) dead. (note: screaming in this manner is allowed, however, if child sees a motherfucking snake in the motherfucking yard whether it be dead or alive);
4. doing things that said parent has warned said child never to do again (see: item #1 & item #2)

Any parent who says they don’t yell at their kids is a great big liar. Don’t get me wrong, there is a difference between yelling and yelling.

So help me God, if you two don’t knock it off right this second, I’m going to beat you both with a stick!

This is something you will hear me say around the Evil Abode — and much to my chagrin, in public (see: Target) as well. My kids don’t take the this seriously. Rico takes it a step further, responding with:

Don’t beat me with a stick, Mommy!

Please note he’s got a giant grin on his face trying to keep from laughing his ass off.

That said, would everyone please for the love of sweet baby Jesus, just stop already about the Alec Baldwin voicemail message! OMG!

And you people out there who have no children, please just shut the fuck up!

For the past three days that’s all I’ve heard on the radio in the morning. Just stop! Amy from the Bobby Bones Show — who’s such an expert (sarcasm) — thought it was completely inappropriate, but in the next breath was saying it was okay to hit your kids because thats discipline. WTF? Seriously.

The most offended moms are probably the worst hypocrites. I know the type, the moms who was act so shocked when:

OMG she’s yelling at her kid for [insert unacceptable behavior here]! Someone calls Child Protective Services, because that’s abuse!

Dude, I’ve seen some of you dress your kid down for losing her freakin’ scrunchie, but oh, it’s okay when she made another kid cry because she called them a loser. Get a freakin’ grip, lady!

We’ve all (and I’m not just talking about parents here) told someone off in a moment of frustration or anger and we later regretted it. Some of us have even left a paper/voice trail evidencing such rant. Luckily, for most of us unknowns, we haven’t had said voicemail aired for the world to hear. It truly sucks to have what you thought was private become public. It’s embarrassing to have strangers who have no clue about the situation hear you lose your shit and then judge you.

Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger are divorced. They have a tween daughter together. I’m not going to even venture a guess as to what their issues are, but I know how Tween girls can be. I live with one. At times, they can be inconsiderate, demanding, selfish, self-absorbed, bitchy, whiny, [insert not very flattering adjective here], hormonal drama queens. Sometimes as a parent of a tween, you wonder aloud:

Who are you and what have you done with my darling little girl?

If you’re human, sometimes your tween girl will push you over the edge and you just lose your shit. You regret it later, and apologize, you feel like shit. You try to explain that you were really angry with her behavior and lost your cool. That you’re human and make errors in judgment. You tell her that you love her, even if things she does and says make you not like her very much sometimes. You both promise each other that you’ll think before you say anything next time. You feel horrible about the whole incident.

Alec Baldwin is human (I think). He lost his shit. He sounded very “I have had just about enough of this shit”. He called his daughter a thoughtless little pig. Yes, that was wrong , I’m sure he knew that the second he hit the disconnect button on the phone. He probably feels like the. worst. person. ever.

So give him a break and shut the fuck up already. Or if you’re perfect, go ahead and join the other holier-than-thou types and cast a stone.

… Fathers’ role in housework sharply increases. *shock*

I read the article above after hearing it discussed during my morning commute yesterday.

Quick synopsis - of in spite of the increased number of women working outside the home, moms are spending at least as much if not more time with their kids than moms did 40 years ago. Also, that dads are pitching in.

Fathers have picked up some of the slack. Married fathers are spending more time on housework

Um, duh. Parenting and housekeeping have become a team effort. I don’t get why this seems like such an alien concept to some people. My mother always tells me how lucky I am that MEH helps out with the kids and housework. Why am I lucky? I work full time and contribute to the family income — it should be a given that my husband, who contributed to the existence of said kids and the mess that we refer to as our home, helps out. Psst, don’t tell him or else he’ll be all full of himself, I’ve got to give serious props to because, dude, if he didn’t do the laundry, it wouldn’t get done. Ever. Um, really.

“We might have expected mothers to curtail the time spent caring for their children, but they do not seem to have done so,” said one of the researchers, Suzanne M. Bianchi, chairwoman of the department of sociology at the University of Maryland.

That’s because some of us have come to the realization that being a parent and actually raising our kids ourselves is a pretty fulfilling thing. Oh, and having a life is more important than having a career. More fun, too.

“They certainly did curtail the time they spent on housework.”

This is the line of the article that one of the hosts named “Sgt. Sam” harped on with the most distain. I don’t listen to this morning show much, so maybe it’s this guy’s role to be the critical one. I don’t know, but he really pissed me off.

Guess what, dude, there are only 24 hours in the day. In those 24 hours I work for 8 of them, spend about 2 hours getting to and from work, my kids have activities that they expect me to take them to or pick them up from. There is homework to be checked, baths to be given and quality time to be spent. (By the way, I hate that term “quality time”) Oh, and I’m in the process of starting my own business and at some point I’d like to get some sleep.

So if the dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the sink, the laundry is stacked all over the couch and dining room table, toys are strewn all over the place and drive-thru takeout on the dinner table it’s because there’s only so many hours in the day. And why do you care if you don’t live there? Gah!

I grew up in a house where you could eat off the floors with a yard that looked professionally landscaped and a home-cooked meal on the table every night. I don’t remember hanging out with my mom or dad much. I remember my mom cleaning, yelling at my brother and I to clean our rooms and yelling at my dad for walking around the freshly-cleaned floors with his gardening shoes on. There was a lot of yelling.

My house is a cluttered mess. It’s not dirty, there’s just stuff freakin’ everywhere. The last time I did Defcon Level 1 cleaning, it took about 3 days, it lasted about a week. To MEH’s credit, he did the last spring cleaning (and did a great job), and it lasted about 2 weeks. To me, a showplace house is not worth the aggravation. We don’t entertain that often, but when we do, Defcon 1 level cleaning and organizing happens. But if you’re just dropping in, welcome to our cluttered home, we live here, get over it.

Meaghan O. Perlowski, a 32-year-old mother of three in Des Moines, said in an interview: “Spending time with my kids is my highest priority, but it’s a juggling act.” Perlowski, who has a full-time job as a pharmaceutical sales representative, said she grocery-shops and runs errands on her lunch hour and does less housework to have more time with her children. “We don’t worry much about keeping the house spotless,” she said. “It’s sometimes a mess, cluttered with school papers, backpacks and toys, but that’s OK.”

Word.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Sgt. Sam, you hyper-critical blowhole. I’m so sorry we all don’t measure up to your standards. Jerk.

I think there was a point here somewhere … maybe not. Oh well.