DISCLAIMER: This does not apply to all men. This applies to specific husbands and boyfriends that have been acting like morons lately. Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about it and it needs to stop. Now. Oh, and I’m not necessarily talking about you, so get your panties boxers out of a bunch.

Open Letter to Stupid Men Everywhere

Dear Stupid Men:

What the HELL is going on? Was there some memo regarding the “Season of Stupidity” that we missed or something? Why are you all doing stupid things that will completely piss off the women in your lives? Things that most likely jeopardize your life, limb and video game console? Have you never heard of the phrase Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Have you not seen Waiting to Exhale? or First Wives Club? John Tucker Must Die? Do yourselves a favor. Just knock it off.

If you haven’t been busted yet, consider yourselves lucky. To the unfortunate ones who have been busted — accept that anger, random blows to the head with blunt objects and flying breakable objects are now part of your everyday life.

Accept it unconditionally.

Count your blessings that we’ve been educated by watching C.S.I. and Bones that lab guys with DNA sequencers back at the station and/or Forensic Anthropologists will turn up at the crime scene figure out that the wrath of your wife caused by your moronic behavior was the motive for murder. We know that the “perfect murder” is an urban legend unless you are a member of the Soprano family. So consider yourself lucky that setting your shit on fire in the driveway or vandalizing your motor vehicle (ala Carrie Underwood) is preferable to 15-20 in a maximum security prison.

Seriously.

Signed,
CE

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I am the last person on earth that I thought this would happen to. I’m still having a hard time processing it at all. There are thousands of songs about the situation I’m in now. I never truly understood the pain and sorrow behind any of them until a week ago.

It’s probably not a good idea to blog about this, but frankly, I’m tired of burdening my friends with this. They’re such good friends that they would never tell me to just shut up already, but I’m really having issues with being “needy girl” right now. I’m usually been the person that people come to with their problems. I don’t know why. Not because I have any great advice to give. Maybe because I just listen and nod in the appropriate places and it makes them feel better to unload on someone and they know wouldn’t repeat their troubles to anyone else.

I came to a decision that will change my life and the lives of my kids. It was the most difficult and most painful decision I’ve ever had to make. It was the right decision for me. I know this in my heart. That doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, it makes everything harder. The logistics of it all are almost incomprehensible. From this day forward, nothing will ever be the same. Nothing. But at least I’ll be able to wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror.

That’s all for now.

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothings fine, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune teller’s right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn.
Torn.

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn